Friday, July 04, 2008

From the mailbag 

I'd like to share some spam with you, for your entertainment. As a rule, I try not to mock the writing mistakes of other people, but in the case of spammers I feel justified in employing a moral double standard. The name of the financial institution has been changed to protect the $137.48 in my account from unscrupulous people. My comments will be in italics.
(Official Big Honking Bank Logo)

Dear member (Tricky. They have done a very good job of imitating a soulless, impersonal corporation.)

During our usual security enhancement protocol, we observed multiple login attempt error while login in to your online banking account. (Hmmm, bad grammar. The first mistake. Soulless corporations usually have good grammar and proofreading.) We have believed (What? Does this mean you've stopped believing?) that someone other than you is trying to access your account for security reasons, (whew! for a minute there I thought they were trying to access it to steal my money.) we have temporarily suspend your account and your access to online banking and will be restricted if you fail to update. (I'm sorry to hear that you will be restricted if I fail to update, but I will not let a guilt trip alter my behavior.)

To get started :
> Log on to https://www.bighonkingbank.com/privacy/update.jsp

Please Note:
If we do no receive the appropriate account verification within 48 hours, then we will assume this Bank account is fraudulent (if the bank account is fraudulent, why are you worrying about who accesses it?) and will be suspended. (I'm sorry to hear that you will be suspended if you do not receive appropriate account verification. Man, is your boss a hard case.) The purpose of this verification is to ensure that your bank account has not been fraudulently used and to combat the fraud from our community. (I'm glad somebody is combating fraud from your community. But wouldn't it be better if you just kept the fraud in your community?)(Well, better for us, at least.)

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