Friday, April 01, 2005

Help Wanted 

I mentioned, back at my lastMeetup Report, that some journalists from the Bellevue Reporter were in attendance. I was curious as to whether I would get a mention/photo or not. Well, I haven't read the article yet, but from what I hear, it's out and I'm probably not included. From all the evidence Google was able to amass for me, it seems like the only person to get a mention is this woman who's claim to Reporter fame is the fact that she's "having an affair with a married man".


I'm sorry, but I just can't take this anymore. I mean, there seems to be two types of bloggers out there--those that get a large following and those who seem to be content to write for their own amusement. I tried to join the ranks of the former, to get people to read this. I've told friends and family about this blog. I've included a link in my message board signatures. I've posted my blog at places like Seablogs. I've commented on popular blogs. None of it--NONE of it--has done a bit of good. I can't even get a lousy mention in a local paper. I am so tempted just to give it all up. Just pull the plug, let the heart and soul poured out here to vanish, unmourned. But I just can't let it go. Whether it's a sign of emotional strength or serious dementia, there's part of me that still has a hope that with a bit of effort or creativity I can catch that hook, find that in, to make people pay attention to me.

I have come to the point where I realize that I can't do it alone. The public doesn't want Hamburger Lad. To them, I'm just a slimy mollusc to be trod upon. If I'm going to win their ear, I must hide myself. I must wrap myself in sensation, something to draw in a people daily bombarded by words and images. So, if I can't beat them, I will join them. I can use the Bellevue Reporter as a guide. They want adultery? Very well, adultery is what I shall give them.

Um, that is, if I can find a mistress. That's my problem. Characterization is one of my weak points as a writer. I don't think I could really make up a good fictional paramour. So I'm putting out the call for any woman out there who would like to have an affair with me, so I could write it up in the blog here. We don't actually have to, uh, you know. We could just exchange steamy letters and pictures and stuff. But actual you know might make for greater traffic. And, of course, if you have your own blog, then we could do a He Said, She Said type thing. That might even be preferable.

Anyway, if any of you ladies could help me out, I would be very appreciative. Just leave a comment and a link and we can set something up. The one thing is that we need to hurry. I'm a bit nervous about leaving this post up where my wife might see it. So this offer will end at midnight tonight, April 1st. Thanks.